This is Part 4 of a 5-part series on bathroom products. Series titles and links are as follows.
Part 1 shower gels.
Part 2 soap, deodorants and toothpaste
Part 3 shaving creams and foams (and female condoms)
Part 4 toilet rolls (this blog)
Part 5 predictions on new bathroom products
Note: Part 6 on hair care products may never be written. I never use them and it’s a vast subject with more pseudo-scientific mumbo jumbo than you can shake a stick at.
Part 4 Toilet Rolls
Now, you would think that of all the products you will find in a bathroom, toilet rolls would defy any classification into male and female sub-categories, wouldn’t you? I mean, there is no significant difference in the two fundamental orifices, is there, and you would be correct but that has not stopped toilet roll marketing people at having a go at gender-specific toilet roll and related products. For example, while searching for women-only rolls, I came across these gloves intended for the more discerning female user, plus a second pair of heavier duty gloves for S&M frolicking in the bedroom.
For men, there are a variety of novelty rolls: camouflage design, bearing the faces of well-known people (Putin, Trump, Osama bin Laden, Saddam), money bills (dollars, euros), and rolls designed for hunters and campers: Buck’s Schitz and Hunter’s Helper from Woods Wipe, the original Blaze Orange Toilet Paper from Butt Wipe, even a roll that looks like it’s a continuous cheese grater for the true backwoodsman.
It would also appear that, when the time comes, many men do not replace an empty toilet roll with a full one. Tut, tut! “Not guilty, m’lud. I was three miles away when the roll ran out.” I found several notices clearly designed by women and targeting such recalcitrant men. I’ll leave you with a sample of such warnings. I particularly like the duct tape one. If the cap fits, wear it, or alternatively, replace the roll and become a hero.
Well done Ben, you got to the bottom of it all!
Great fun and good reading.
Ben Bennetts said:
Indeed, butt getting behind in toilet roll replacement can produce a stern admonishment and provide the base for a bummer’s tail. Work that one out!
We still use the Guardian cut up in 6 inch squares; such a wonderful crap newspaper.
Ben Bennetts said:
But don’t you find all those typos can cause damage to delicate surfaces?