On average, I receive one email a week from someone offering to improve my website. I usually just bin them but this one caught my eye:

Subject: A tactic that improve your website – Ben-bennetts.com.

Dear Business owner of Ben-bennetts.com

Did you think it that your website is having so many errors? Is it possible that one’s website contains numbers of errors? Yes, the numbers of the people share their rage and frustration once they get my mail.

Now, I will show you the several types of broken links, pages with no meta description tag, images with no ALT text, Html validation Errors, not including a unique meta description, having too long title, etc., found in your Ben-bennetts.com.

We have an expert team who can easily solve all the above problems within a second with a reasonable budget. We guarantee you will see a dire change in your Google search ranking once these are static.

In case you are getting interested in the proposal and want to get high rank in Google then must feel free to send me a proposal.

Looking forward to your reply.

Felix …

I drafted a reply. Here it is:

Subject: A suggestion for improving your grammar

Dear Felix

Thank you for your interest in my website. Did you know that your email contains many errors? How is it possible that your email could contain so many errors? The number of errors almost caused me rage and frustration!

I can show you several types of grammatical errors, incorrectly-structured sentences containing unusual verbs, no images to liven up the text, incorrect capitalisation, blatantly wrong adjectives, mis-matched noun-verb combinations, etc., all to be found in your email.

I am an expert, sort of, who can easily solve all the above problems within a short space of time (hours or minutes, but not seconds) and for a reasonable cost. I guarantee you will see a dire buoyant change in future responses to your email.

If you are interested in my offer and want to elevate your literacy, feel free to respond to my invitation.

Looking forward to your reply,

Ben …

I didn’t have the heart to hit the Reply key!