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Today’s a-poem-a-day-keeps-Covid-away competition is to complete the following poem with at least two more lines:

The Grand ol’ Duke of Porkies,
He had ten million pounds.

Hint: Porkies rhymes with choccies, dorkies, gawkies, talkies, and walkies at least.

First prize: a copy of the photo of Andy Windsor standing next to and with his arm around the girl he says he never met, signed by Andy himself.

Second prize: your choice of any one of the following honorary titles: Colonel of the Grenadier Guards, Honorary air commodore of RAF Lossiemouth, Colonel-in-chief of the Royal Irish Regiment, Colonel-in-chief of the Small Arms School Corps, Colonel-in-chief of The Royal Lancers (Queen Elizabeth’s Own), Colonel-in-chief of the Yorkshire Regiment, Colonel-in-chief of the Small Arms School Corps, Commodore-in-Chief of the Fleet Air Arm, Royal Colonel of the Royal Highland Fusiliers, and Royal colonel of the Royal Regiment of Scotland.

Third prize: a free meal for two in Pizza Express in Woking.

Judges: Queen Elizabeth 2, Jeremy Corbyn, Donald Trump, Virginia Guiffre, and Zendaya.

Submit entries to ben@ben-bennetts.com

The competition closes at midnight UK time on 18 February 2022. The judges’ decision is final.