Still the emails come in, full of criticisms of my website and mysterious advice on how to improve the selling features despite the fact that I don’t sell products. Riley, from Part 3 in this series, who styles himself, or herself, as a Publisher Developer Coordinator continues to send me emails that assume I speak a cryptic acronymic language known only to the gifted few. Can you make sense of this piece of techwhiz mumbo-jumbo from an email received about a week ago?

Ben – Underdog Media is ready for a big Q4 and we are excited to increase revenue for publishers similar to ben-bennetts.com.

Currently, Underdog Media provides standard adhesion display and video ads with an average RPM ranging anywhere between $2 – $10+ (dependent on traffic and geo). We drive about 2B+ impressions a month. You can view a demo of our ad units, here: Footer, Skyscraper, Rectangle, Outstream Video, Inline Video, and Double down.

No, me neither.

Yesterday, Slim Walker, who describes himself (I’ll assume male) as a Digital Marketing Analyst, sent me this warming I-can-help-you email. My comments are embedded in parentheses in normal type

Hello ben-bennetts Team,

Hope you are doing well.

While doing a brief review I must say that you have come up with a wonderful website for your business. (Thanks.) However, there are some areas which need to be focused in order to acquire visibility. The promotional approach is becoming complicated every day but one can overcome this critical situation (Critical?) by moving in the right direction.

We came across some technical flaws which are creating huddles (Huddles, or did Slim mean to write hurdles?) in your progress. We know the value of your time and money; therefore we came up with some suggestions below:

1. Google always considers and encourages error free websites. (What is an error-free website?)
2. Proper selection and placement of keywords are important. (A basic website-creation 101-course recommendation.)
3. Relevant links should be implemented. (And another.)
4. Social media presence makes a website more noticeable. (And yet another.)
5. Proper mobile compatible site lead to better conversion. (I think Slim means that a website optimised for display on the small screen of a smartphone is the best way of creating a website rather than creating a website for a widescreen e.g. a laptop or large tablet, and then converting it to one that displays neatly on a smartphone. There is nothing new in any of these five suggestions.)

Some traditional methods cause negative influence so modernized technique is gripping over, which has replaced the whole scenario of promotion. (?????) We can show you the right path to overcome the challenges. (Not with the grammar used in the previous sentence!)

I think I’ll give Slim a miss.