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Last week, the mid-2016 Queen’s Honours List was announced with much fanfare, accusations of cronyism, and the usual brouhaha.  I thought I would award a few extra honours.  In no particular order, here they are.

To Paul Gascoigne, ex-footballer, the I’ve-no-idea-why-people-are-still-interested-in-me-hic award.
To Tony Blair, ex-Prime Minister, the cheesiest-smile-and-more-slippery-than-a-bar-of-wet-soap-in-a-can-of-wriggly-worms award.
To Kim Kardashian, ex-nothing, the big-breasted-even-bigger-arsed-celebrity-most-famous-for-not being-famous award.
To Simon Cowell, ex-EMI mail room operative, the thanks-for-services-to-the-black-T-shirt-industry-but-not-much-else award.
To Victoria Beckham, ex-pop-singer, the best-sullen-look-on-the-planet award.
To Camila Batmanghelidjh, ex-media darling, the I-have-the-most-unpronounceable-surname-and-the-worst-dress-sense-in-the-world award.
To Bradley Walsh, ex-Coronation Street actor, the when-I-get-the-giggles-you-can’t-help-but-laugh-with-me award.
To Sir John Chilcot, ex-civil-service, the chairman-of-the-longest-ever-government-enquiry-and-looks-most-like-Ian-Hislop award.
To Prince Andrew, ex-husband of Fergie, the biggest-scrounger-and-schmoozer-on-the-planet award.
To Sir Philip Green, ex-BHS Chairman, the it-is-alleged-I-have-appropriated-more-pension-fund-money-than-Robert-Maxwell award.
To Oscar Pistorious, ex-sprinter, the I-got-away-with-murder-even-though-I-didn’t-have-a-leg-to-stand-on award.
To David Cameron, ex-cannabis smoker, the I-wish-I-hadn’t-called-the-EU-Referendum award.
To Boris Johnson, ex-Bullingdon Club member, the beneath-this-bluff-exterior-lies-an-even-bluffer-interior award.
To Lady Amelia Windsor, ex-University of Edinburgh student, the Christ-where-did-she-spring-from-she’s-gorgeous award.
To Justin Bieber, ex-young boy, the I’ve-never-grown-up award.
To Miley Cyrus, ex-Hannah Montana, the Justin-Bieber award.
To Ant and Dec, ex-Byker Grove actors, the-cheekiest-chappies-with-no-talent-on-tv award.
To Sir Rod Stewart, ex-railway modeller, the if-Elton-and-Bob-and-Mick-and-Paul-can-have-a-knighthood-for-sex-drugs-and-rock’nroll-so-can-I award.

Feel free to add more in the comments section below.